It’s Friday….. :\

Today is Friday and while I’m looking forward to the weekend and spending time with my hubby and the family there is this part of me that is hesitant and has a sense of tension and stress also accompanies my feeling of happiness. By elaborating on this I feel these feelings because my step son is coming this weekend. It’s our weekend which is routine and nothing out of the ordinary. So why am I feeling this way? Let me give some back story to shed some light on the situation….. My step son has for about the last 4-5 years been very rude and disrespectful to me and all adults he comes in contact with as the years passed and things on the other end of his living arrangements didn’t seem to be aware of the child she was creating by not teaching him that he can’t always get his way. And that speaking to adults like they are garbage is unacceptable he has just become more set in his way plus all the details he has heard that I stole his dad from his mom and that alone is a whole other subject but I digress he had began to become worse each weekend he was over was more and more of just disrespect and attitude and I was over it so after basically repeating myself for two years that he was angry and something was going on with him and he needed to talk to a professional cause he isn’t opening up to us finally once he began to become violent towards her the lightbulb came on…. Well as for me he had never been violent towards me but that all changed last Friday after his first therapy session he decided that he was mad cause he didn’t get his way so basically he decided he was going to act like he was big enough to try and fight her and I both. But seeing as how he had to come with me I got the most of the violence from him, he attacked me in the car thank god I was not driving and my 3 year old wasn’t with me. He kicked and punched and jumped from the back seat over my driver seat on top of me and it reached the point his mother had to actually call the police to have them come speak or possible take him away because he was so out of control………
So now that history of him and his behavior is now brought to light my reasons for feeling this way is I have a 3 year old that I have to protect and teach the right way to behave. I am in no way afraid of my stepson I simply fear the unknown of what he is fully and truly capable of doing and the level of violence he can reach. That is a scary thought that a child who is only 7 could be that violent and then blame the adult for his outburst “well if you would have let me go then I wouldn’t have fought you”. Excuse me but I’m the adult your the child and there is no reason whatsoever that is justifiable for you attacking me. So now today is Friday and I have to pick him up from school and take him to therapy again today. I love him and have been in his life since he was a baby but I refuse to be treated like garbage by a child. So my feelings I feel are justified and yet sad I should not feel this way about my stepson coming and how bad can this weekend go is what I say to myself but what kind of life is that? I am just at the end of my rope and I hope anyone who reads this doesn’t feel like I am cold hearted or just don’t care it’s because I do care that I am voicing my concerns and maybe there is someone out there who has been in a similar situation or in the same situation and my experience can help in some way or someone can help me:)

Have a wonderful weekend !!!!!



Passing on memories….

How exactly do you pass on a memory of someone who made such a huge impact in your life to a child who has no clue just the importance of them. I want my son to know all about my Mema and my Dad he will never know either of them and I worry will I be able to explain just how important they were. I lost my Mema when I was 15 years old and my Dad a year a two months later at 16 years old. So my son can only see pictures of them and ask who is that? I really don’t know where to begin in explaining how important my Mema is to me and all the life lessons she taught me in my 15 years with her. Like he will only have my words to express and explain what a truly amazing woman she was and how strong and determined she was. That is a lot of responsibility for me to make him truly understand that she helped make me into the woman and mom I am today. As for my dad how do I explain that he has a grandpa from Daddy but Mommy doesn’t. Or to explain that my dad was the hunter and fisherman of the family and that he watched two girls kinda grow up and taught them that we could do all those things too. It’s just a lot of pressure on me to make him realize that there are such strong people that are such a big part of his world that aren’t here anymore but who would have loved him and been his biggest fan. The daily thought in my mind of how do I pass on such memories sad and happy to my child and him understand…..